Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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