she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
