I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
