She announced her abortion via fbk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
