So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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