i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
