why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
