I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
