the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sober January is a disaster.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
