He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
