Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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