Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
