her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
