I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Vodka?
Forever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
