I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think my fart just growled at me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
