dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
