Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
