I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize