Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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