on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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