Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
