My hair reeks of homosexuality.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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