So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
