im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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