spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
