Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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