Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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