Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
