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Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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