If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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