So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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