Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
