i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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