I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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