put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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