You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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