i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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