I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
