Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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