He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
