Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
