I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
