She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
