Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
