the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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