Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
