do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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