I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
COCAINE IS GR8
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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