Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
