guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize