420 ftw
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
