I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
