I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
