I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
