You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
