I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
