You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
