You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
