My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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