It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
